About the Stove
  Newest Stuff
  Old News
  Stove History


  Articles
  Reviews
  Comics
  Features
  Site Index
  Downloads
  Back Issues
  Miscellaneous


  Salamando Radio
  Message Boards
  Polls
  Mailing List


  Legal Shit
  Thanks and Stuff
  Submissions
  Contact Info
 Interview With Hobo Chocobo
Well, I was saying to myself the other day "You need to post something." A couple of days later, I was still too busy getting plastered and thinking about naked video game characters to post anything, so I called up Good ol' Alita and Ironsides. Yeah, whatever.

Okay! So, since we used up our three measly weeks of paid vacation, it's time for another interview. Yay.

Today we're interviewing... I don't know. Who are we interviewing? Evk didn't tell me anything except "YOUR HAIR'S SMELL... GOOD".

Hmmmm... smells like chocobos. I wonder who it is?

What! You don't know who I am? I'm the most famous chocobo of all!

You mean we're intervewing Boko?!

What? That PUNK? No! I'm the Fat Chocobo! The FIRST one! Everyone after me was just a cheap imitator!!

Yeah? If you're so famous, why do you smell so bad?

Because life sucks, kid. One minute you're storing Excalibur in your stomach, and the next thing you know you're out on the streets begging for some yuppie fuck to deposit a tonic in you.

Uh - well. Right. ANYWAY, let's get started.

Aren't we started allready?

Uh - well. Okay, let's move on then.

... did we even get a list of questions?

No. I guess we're gonna have to wing it.

I can 'wing it.' Get it? Wing it? I have wings! Look!

Yeah, yeah...

'Cause I'm a real chocobo!! I mean, I can't fly, y'know, but - but you - you shut your face!! I lived in the Big Whale! I was also in the Airship Invincible!

How did we get roped into doing this again?

I don't know. I think working for these guys was YOUR idea.

MY idea? All I know is, I said, "We need a job," and you said-

So - so then I says - so I says YOU WANT YOUR ADAMANTINE? THEN YOU COME UP HERE AND GET IT 'CUZ I AIN'T - ... you guys got any carrots? DON'T HOLD OUT ON ME! I CAN SMELL THEM!!

Where did he get that whiskey from?

YOU NKOW WHA DI THS TO ME!? WHIETH LOSS. BEIN PUT ON DIET LOSIN 200 PONDS AN YOUR OUT OF WURK!! GAHH ITS TEH SYSTM I TELL YAH! *hic*

Who would have guessed?

I gave up my weekend of cheep booze and Starcraft for THIS?

AN I DON"T RPRECIATE THA JOKE- YO MOMMA SO FAT I SHTORE MY TIEMS IN EHR, YA KNOW THAT ONE.l HARG Well Let me ask you THIS - how can ace be one AND eleven!? WHAT KIND OF GOD WOULD ALLOW THAT?!!?

Hey! Stop ripping off The Simpsons!

HEY! YOU.... YOU... I... CHOCOBUCKLE!!?

Forget this. I have SOME pride.

Well we have to have some article...

FERGET THIS. AHM OUT TO THE TRACKS.

Whatever...

Now what?

.... hmm!

THE SUMMONERS PRESENT:
 
WELCOME TO:

THANK YOU FOR COMEING. THEIS pAEG ISN"T DONE YET, BUT IT WILL BE SOON.

IN TIEM COMING I HOPE TO PUT UP THE FOLLOWEING SIGHTS:

MY ORIGIONAL POETRY
MY FREINDS'S POETRY
MY FAEVORITE POETRY
LINKS TO OTHER POETRY SITES
A guestbook.

THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT. HERE IS SOmE POETRY I IDD.

"This Job Sucks"
Alita, 2000

Endless Interviews
Morons that can kiss my ass
Evk sucks big dick

"Haiku for Hentai"
Alita, 2000

I hear Wrex-sempai
likes to observe his hentai
while eating poon pie

"Food for Thought"
Alita, 1998

Megami-sama
I'm ready to eat this now
But what is it?

"Cartoon Conundrum"
Alita, 1999

I have seen the light
I'd like tell you more, but
Sailor Moon is on

"Concerning Ryoga"
Alita, 2000

Five bucks will get you
a night to remember, ah
those good times, good times


I have had this many visitors. ;-)

E-Mail me! I love getitng your letters!

THAENK YOU!!! FOR COMING

ALL THIS IS (c) 200 ALITA!


welcome, mortal, to my dark abode. but beware, for few who enter return the same.

one of the few mortal pleasures i feel is to lose myself in the darkess of my poetry. i also write short stories. perhaps you would like to hear one?

life is like a spotlight
a horrible carwreck
sending waves of pain and agony
people are pain
life
is pain
why

why

searching for myself
(finding nothing)
dark chasms

endless rift
a butterfly dies
(nobody cares)

why do we live like this?

in a world of pain
feel for your fellow man
(and get nothing in return)

pain

leave me to my dark solace

- lord ayrensydes

you may contact me if you dare, mortal, though i can't guarantee your safety

this is all 2000 lord ayrensides
copy any of this and i will cast a hex damning you to a fate worse than hell


Back to the index

Written by Evk, WrexSoul, and Cali-X, also known as the entire staff of Salamando's Stove... Oh yeah, and it vas posted on 09-07-00.
This article is 2000 us. A moose once bit mi sister.
sadbot@salamando.net


 
Salamando's Stove is all a big ol' 1999-2000 Zach Francks and Nick Hammer.