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 Stupidest e-mail Survey: Evk

Full Name: Evk X Damascus
Nickname(s): Evk X Damascus
Siblings: My three sisters, one of whom is unbeliveably nice, one of whom is a money-grubbing scumbag, and one of whom is a bitchy flat ho.
Hair color: Dark dark dark dark blue. Turning green in the front, sniff sniff.
Eye color: I have mood eyes. They change with the phase of the moon, my mood, my body heat, and wether or not I'm being sodomized.
Height: Taller than you, shorty.
Attitude: Bored, grumpy
Any other screen names: Evk. Really.
Birthday: The dawn of humanity
Birthplace: The basement
Where you live now: The basement, still
Age: About 30 million
School: Neo Evk City's Children's Creche
Grade: I lost them
Enemies: Basement rats
Funniest person you know: Those guys. Who wear shoes. C'mon - you know who I mean.
Best girl friends: I think my cat really likes me
Best guy friends: Sometimes a big flaming mass of pain and suffering talks to me.
What would you like to be when you grow up: Deity
Where would you like to live when you grow up: Neo Kasumi Handjob
 
HAVE YOU EVER
 
Done drugs: Drain-o
Smoked: I acciently lit myself on fire once. Also, Drain-o.
Drank: Windex, accidently. I'd drink Drain-o if it was possible.
Kissed: Once I kissed a dog. BUT I OBJECTED CONSTANTLY. Anyways, the dog gave me a clone of myself, after I killed this guy who had my face.
Stayed up all night: Yes, yes, a thousand times YES
Been in love: To fictional characters, yes
Lied: Only to protect my young
Cheated on someone: I cheated at Alpha Centauri once, and I'd do it again!
Stole: SOUL STEAL!
Played strip poker: Yes - but it was with my computer, and I always won, and it only has three panels to take off. Also, it gets a little cranky when it loses.
Watched I love lucy: Only to gather information so I could execute a brutal gangland assasination.
 
When was the last time you thrown a party (not a birthday party, a real party): I got some rats together and made them worship me as thier unholy god a few days ago.
What is the farthest you have ever been from your home: Hades
What is the farthest you have ever been from your home without your parents: Hades
What was the first thing you thought when you got up: OW
 
DATING
 
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: I did, but they went missing in my oven
How far have you gone: I almost got married, but Lum shot me with a RPG
Have you ever cheated on anyone: I cheated at Alpha Ce-... didn't we cover this?
Have you ever dated a friend's old mate: If I had freinds, I would have. Sniff.
How far would you go on a 1st date: As far as possible, unless it's to a trailer. Or inside an oven. That's where I draw the line.
Have you had sex: With my hands or in my dreams
 
FAVORITES
 
Color: Black, as black as something bad
Favorite names for a girl or boy: Evk, Avk, uh, ∆vk
Favorite sport: Does Alpha Centauri count?
Favorite sports team: The Nerds. You know, the one with ArchNerd Nicchan.
Favorite season: The cold one
Favorite food: Chinese whores, with green stuff. I think it's really strong mustard.
Favorite kind of music: Salamando Radio
Favorite singer or band: Whoever's on Salamando Radio
Favorite soft drink: Water with a little poon in it
Favorite alcohol drink: Quistis poon with a squeeze of gin
Favorite holiday: Evk Day, where you must bow and worship me, or perish in flames. Celebrating in Neo Evk City now!
Favorite car: Nissan Altima. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Favorite movies: The one with the guys who wear shoes in it
Favorite actor: Bon Bon Bizzaro
Favorite actress: That chick who shows her boobs. Y'know.
Favorite brand of clothing: Anything with a cartoon pig on it
 
Where do you see yourself in 7 years: The unquestioned ruler of humanity
What was the best time you had in your life: I almost got married once! (see above)
 
FOR GIRLS (Filled out by Avk, my female clone)
 
What do you look for in a guy: Outlandish hair, clear skin
Who do you like: Evk
Who do you hate: Face, Bloogh
What is the first thing that attracts you to a guy: No zits and weird hair
Best smile: Mine
Sexiest: Those guys who wear shoes
Worst thing about guys: They're harder to beat up
Turn-Ons: Outlandish hair, clear skin
Turn-Offs: Having a remote controll all the time with annoying buttons on it (such as suck-off)
What kinda clothes do you like guys to wear?: Anything with a cartoon pig on it
Do you like guys hair short or long: Outlandish
Do you want guys to have earrings/tattoos: No, on pain of death
Boxers or Briefs: Either one, as long as they have HOME OF THE BOKKEN written on them. mmm, classy
Experience or Inexperience: Outlandish hair, clear skin
Funny or sexy: Outlandish hair, clear skin
Describe the perfect guy for you: Outlandish hair, clear skin, a three-letter name
 
FOR GUYS
 
What do you look for in a girl: Outlandish hair, big cans
What usually is the first thing that attracts you to a girl: Outlandish hair, big cans
Braw or pantese: Spell-check
Experienced or inexperienced: Outlanish hair, big cans
Earrings or tattoos: Neither
Turn ons: Outlandish hair, big cans
Turn offs: Running me over, shooting me, stuffing me in an oven, beating me up
Long hair or short hair: Outlandish dammit!
Thong or string: Spell-check
What kinda clothes do you like girls to wear: Anything with cartoon pigs on it
Describe the perfect girl for you: Outlandish hair, big cans
 
DO YOU PREFER
 
Coke or Pepsi: Dr. Pepper
Sprite or 7-up: Dr. Pepper
Money, cash, or hos: Dr. Pepper
Black or white: Dr. Pepper
Short hair or Long hair: Outlandish
Blonde or Brunettes: Outlandish
Flowers or stars: Tits
Comedy or Drama: Tits
DMX or Jay-z: Niether. Soon they will beg me for the sweet release of death.
Action or Horror: Tits
Usher or Ma$E: Uh, tits?
Blue or Green: Blue
Roller coasters: No
Brandy or Monica: Uh
Lauryn Hill or Shania Twain: Uhh
Cherry Poppin Daddies or Brian Setzer Orchestra: Uhhhhhhh
Cats or Dogs: Little black pigs
Horses or Cows: Little black pigs
Swing or Line Dancing: Death before either. Jeeves, my wakizashi
 
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
 
God: Yes, for I am He.
Ghosts: Only when they're activly groping me
Aliens: Not unless they're beaming signals into my brain again
Devil: Yes, for I am He.
Heaven?: If I'm God, Heaven is my house, right?
Hell: If I'm Satan, Hell is my house, right?
Santa: Yes, for I am He.
Ouija Boards: Tits
Fortune Tellers: Are they outlandish?
 
WHO...
 
Has the best eyes: Me
Has the best hair: Me
Has the best smile: Me
Has the cutest ears: Me
Has the best body: Me
Has the best legs: Me
Always has a smile on their face: Terra
Has the best personality: Me
Is the prettiest: Me
Is the sexiest: Me
Is the sluttiest: Avk, but don't tell her I said that
Is the shyest: Me
Is the biggest spaz: Me
Is the nicest: Me
Has the biggest mouth: Me. Or Mouth.
Is the weirdest: Me
Is the richest: Me, or Carbunkle. He knows how to invest!
 
WHO HAS...
 
Hurt you the most: Altima
Made you the happiest: Myself (Avk is close second)
Kissed you: The maid, but it was only on the cheek. Avk, but we had three kids too.
Complimented you the most: Myself
Asked you for the most favors: WrexSoul
Asked you out: WrexSoul and my CD-R drive
Pissed you off the most: XOOM
 
MOST LIKELY TO....
 
Succeed: Tits
Be a lesbian: Tits
Be a model: Myself
Be a comedian: Me
Be a lawyer: I
Be a doctor: Nick Rivera
Be famous: Myself
Be a stripper: Me
Be a president: Me, of course
Be a singer: Nobody I know. Wait, does it have to be good? WrexSoul.
Be a dancer: WrexSoul, the friendly wraith

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