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 World Heroes 2
World Heroes 2, made by SNK, is an utterly generic fighting game. You have ten characters or so, two buxom chicks, an offensive African steryotype (he wears a huge tiki mask and grunts at you), and the usual assortment of ninjas, kick-boxers, football players, pirates, and losers. So, you ask, why am I reviewing it? Because I played it all the way though, and dammit, I want something out of it. God knows the ending did'nt quench my thirst.

A small aside: I've been told that the correct spelling is 'didn't', not 'did'nt'. But, dammit, it's a contraction! I'm putting together the words 'did' and 'not', and the ' goes where the words combine - evidance is I'm, You're, It's, I've, etc. So it should be did'nt. If you don't agree with me, then you can go get run over or something. Jackass.

Anyway, I played all the way through the game as Ryoko, though you can beat the game really easily with anybody for one simple reason: Cheap throws. Can't beat somebody? Just keep hitting the shoulder buttons, and once you throw them the first time, just stand next to them and toss them every time they get up. Easy. The only enemy this doesn't work on is the second to last boss, but if you just stay away from him, he'll change shape into another character, who you CAN throw.

Well, I did get one treat for playing all the way though as Ryoko, which is that I got to see the stupidest win animation in history. Ryoko puts her fist in the air, her breasts bounce up and hit her in the face, and she contorts her face into the same general shape of those adopted by people who've just tasted Akane's cooking. What? You think I jest?

I showed you, did'nt I?

For god's sake, don't stare at her breasts! Look at her expression! What the hell is with that?!

So, another thing I should mention is that this game has no taste at all. Not only do you fight the above mentioned steryotype, you also fight a mechanical German in a World War II outfit in front of what looks like a death camp, complete with barbed wire fence and a tank that breaks through one of the walls mid-fight. Classy, guys. Sadly, you can't pick to fight as a starving Jewish camp resident.

Sorta tied into this is the fact that this game has some really odd stages. You fight in a pirate cove. You also fight in what appears to be the middle of a busy street, in front of a sexually anonymous emperor/ess, on a viking ship, and some other odd places I can't recall right now. Sue me.

Anyway, the last thing I'll mention is that this game has a really shitty ending. After you beat up what appears to be a cross between the T1000 and a asexual action figure, you get three screens of text. WOO!! OH YEAH!!!!

Okay, I'm done.

Well - almost done. Just to illustrate, here's Ryoko's ending. w00p

Ryoko's ending! REJOICE!


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Written by Evk and posted on 8-13-00.
This article is 2000 Nick Hammer.

Salamando's Stove is all a big ol' 1999-2000 Zach Francks and Nick Hammer.