Today I'm going to be interviewing two long-time fans of Salamando's Stove because, frankly, we were going to have a really neat thing with the Summoners but they took their paid vacation yesterday without telling us so we're sort of in a jam here. But I'm sure this will be very amusing anyway. Ahh... right. Why don't you two introduce yourselves?

I'm SAILOR SALAMANDO!!!!! I'm a magical unicorn! And a fairy! And a princess! And I live on the moon! HUGGLES!! ^_^

Uh... okay. And how about you?

I AM XENAPHILE_X NAD IM A GRAITE AWTHOUR!!! I WROTE THIS STOYERY ONCE?!!! LIK IT WAS AOBUT FINAL FANTASY 9 WHICH IS TEH BEST GAMEO EVER!!@ BUT LIEK IN STAED FO DAGGER-- IT WAS ME AND I HAD SEX WITH ZINDANE!!!!11 IT WAS HOT LEMON FIC!!!!@# HE PUSH HSI TAIL UP M YBUTt!!@!2

UH... right. So, moving along to the actual inverview portion. Evk wrote me out a list of questions, which I will now ask you and hopefully things won't go so bad that I'll have to go sit in the bathroom with a gun in my mouth. So. First question: How did you hear about the stove?

I put in a search for SALAMANDO BEING TENTACLE RAPED BY EVIL WATERFALL SATAN PLANTS!!! And your site came up!

THIS GUY I KNWO HE LIKE -SENT ME AL INK??? SYAING LIEK HOLI SYHTI!!! ONLY THES GUYS ARE WORST WRITERs THAN U!!!!! TEHN LIEK THERE STHE COMIX PAEG WICH SUX!!@@!@

So, moving along, next question: "Do you prefer pickle ice cream or squid?"

Wrexy? What kind of underwear do you wear? *GIGGLE*

Uhh...

HOW DAER U ASK HTAt!?!?!? I WRIT SOTRY WHERE ME ADN WYREXY WHGO IS A REANGER ELF ARE MARRIED AND LIV IH THE FOURTH DIMIEONSON

WHAT?! You keep your hands off! We're going to get married and have magical unicorn fairy moon children! It'll be even more romantic than Wedding Peach!

Ladies -

I UES MY SUPPER RAILDGUN ON U AND U WILL LIKE DYE!!11

Oh? OH? I'll use my magical moon super distruction fairy elf unicorn moon powers and blow you up and then you'll be blown up and dead and not be a ghost! HA!

Ladies, please -

NO WAY I HAVE POER SHIELD!!1 NOHTING CAN PENERTRAT!!!! IS SUPEIR PROTOTYPE!!1

HEY! Both of you settle down! You're going to damage the floor! Yes. That's right. Okay. Question 3: "Who looks better in a dress, me or Wrex?"... I've got to stop letting that idiot write these...

YOU, Wrexy-sama! You're so attractive! *HEART!!* ^-^ >GIGGLES<

SHUT UP11!!!!! I WROTE A STORYE WEHRE UR WEIRANG A DRES AND WER MARRIED AND I GOT CANCRE ANDDIED TRAGICLY DEATH!!!1 ITZ SO SAD DUDE!

Okay. Settle down. Question 4: "Who put the bo..." No. I have my dignity.

I AM A SUPER SAYIN U KNO?!?! I RITE STOERY WHERE I HAEV SEX WITH VEGITEA!!!1 ALSO U WER IN IT AND U WERE LIK GETTIN IT ON WIT BULMA!!!1

Oh yeah? I'm a Super Saiyen TOO! And a Sailor Scout! I'll use a Final Flash on you and also Fire Swirl Heart Chain Bind Whip Transform!!1

I WILGH HAX UIWHT SUPER JUSTPIC POWAR!**$!!! II USE PWOER OF MANNA!!!!1

HEY. Stop it. Settle down, both of you. HEY! Put that down! Question 5 here!

SUPER CHAIR MAGICAL DESTRUCTION BEAM!!

HEY! Don't throw that! Sit down! HEY! SIT! Yeah. That's better. Alright. Let's just move on and try to keep the throwing to a minimum. Question 5: "Stab the sword of justice" - that isn't a question. I knew I should've proofread this -

I USE POWER OF TRUE LVOE!!1 AND I KNOW ANCIENT KNIGT SPELL BECAUS EI LAST OF DEKU TRIEBE!!!!

Did I mention I'm a magical unicorn princess? *HUGGLES*

Yeah, uh - yeah. Quiet down so I can ask the next question. Ahem: "In 100 words or less, list the positive and negative effects of the industrial revolution upon the human condition - " no. That's just terrible.

OO OO I have a question!

... you're not going to ask what kind of underwear I have on again, are you?

No! My question is... Can I see your thing? -==+*^_^*+==-

Uh -

>.< It's a kitty! SEE?!!

Dear lord. I think that's all the time we have -

Am I fat?

I -

*HUGGLES*

STOP IT! HEY!

I'M GONNA WRINTE A STORY WHEN YOUR'RE MY HUSBAND ANW WE"RE MARRIED AND WE SAVE THIEW ROLD FROM MY ASSHWOLE EX-BOYFRIEND!!!!1

HEY! That's it! I'm summoning Altima!

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Maybe this was a bad idea.

Shimmering life-light, be a tower of power! All-Ultima!

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Written by the result of horrible genetic experiments and posted on 012-22-00.
This article is ©2000 Nick Hammer and Zach Francks.
Evk@salamando.netl, WrexSoul@salamando.net