• The Miracle Girls, brought to you by the wonderful folks at Takara.... whoever the hell they are.
• "Hi! I'm Tomomi! I'm 15 and am experiencing feelings of repressed homosexuality with my best friend, Mikage!"
• "Hi! I'm Mikage! I'm 15 as well, and even though I may be misshapen but... at least I'm not gay!"
• Notice from this point onward, the girls are cookie-cutter clones of each other. Change the clothes, headband, and hair length...
• This is the prison they broke out of! I heard they made the guards play Miracle Girls, and escaped during the comatose state that followed.
• This translates to "Shit!" I've been told.
• "AAAH! NOOO! Not Miracle Girls! We give you anything!"
• "You mean we're in Miracle Girls?! Prepare the wakizashi for ritutual sicide!"
• "Too late!!"
• After standing in the poppy field too long, delerium is induced.
• In Japan, you learn certain key phrases like "game start" and "vs man".
• Your two pint-sized protagonists. First: Tomomi, who is obviously colorblind.
• Second: Mikage, Tomomi's long-haired clone. She likes hot chocolate, books, and you! (heart)
• This is a demonstration of "Catch the Green Cloud." You catch the green clouds, and try to fan away the pink ones. And you fight possibly the most deformed duck ever.
• In this you.... run around on a giant cake, and smash bugs with a mallet you pull from behind your back. It is in actuality much worse than it sounds.
• This is an incredibly challenging game. You have to guess which dancer is not in time with the rest of them. The longer you wait, the greater the difference between the dancers. But, you have to choose before the very retarded clown rat does. Sound challenging? It's not. The rat never actually does anything.
• Matching game. A card pops up, you match it with one of your six. Here the gay duck gets his revenge!
• What the hell is that she's standing on? A ball of bubble gum with a duck's beak growing out of a plant? The world may never know.
• This sign reads "Warning, beware of Bublegum Duckplants."
• Aaah this is where I found the first bonus game. A zodiac slot machine!
• "HAHAHA YOU LOSE! HERE I PITY YOU HAVE 1UP!"
• The sign was as shocked as I was that a giant bubble with the reincarnated head of my dead friend appeared.
• Seeing no end in sight, I killed myself. I thought I had won...
• ...until I realized I had infinite continues. Oh well, another chance at that slot game!
• I won! Now what do I get for matching them all up!? "JOKE IS YOU. THOUGHT YOU GET GOOD PRIZE?"
• "Hi! I've been trapped in this hellhole and have been living here for many years!"
• DAMN, Bee, those are some PHAT shades! Not nearly as BIZZOMB as your MADD visor! And that's one PIMPIN bow!
• After Mikage disgraced the bee, they had a deul to the death with waterguns.
• "YETH I THURVIVED, BUT MY FATHE WATH BADLY MITHTHAPEN BY THE WOUNDTH."
• Who the hell is that on the bottom? And what is the purpose of this cryptic screen?!
• Stage 2: Worse than you can possibly imagine.
• This duck attacks you by looking up your skirt.
• The tasteless gang-bang scene. The purple thing is the pimp.
• "Jump! Do it! Come join me on the -other side-"
• Tasteless flashing. But not enough. I want more tasteless!
• Stage 3: What the HELL!?
• Attack of the killer cherries?! Eat candy, bastards!

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Written by Evk and posted on 1-24-00.
This article is ©2000 Nick Hammer.
Evk@salamando.net