1. OPINIONS AREN'T FACT, VESTALMAN

Frequently throughout his 'history' of Final Fantasy, Vestalman gives his two cents about every issue under the sun. Well, actually they're all about Final Fantasy but the point remains that this is supposed to be a 'history.' Reviews are supposed to have opinions; essays/reports aren't. Vestalman obviously doesn't understand that simple little concept, so this whole thing just ends up sounding like a string of reviews, complete with plot synopsis and very little actual 'history' too it. Not only that but they're all BORING butt-kissing reviews that do little more than glorify the whole series and make up statistics and facts. What are you doing, Vestalman?!

These are all the times Vestalman gives his opinion as solid fact. This happens disappointingly often, as you will see. Disgustingly often, as statements like this just flood all the reviews:

This is a blatant example of him touting his opinion, and it gets disgusting just how OFTEN he ends up using them. Of course since there are so many, I won't bore you to seppuku with them. Instead I'll just hammer my piggy and buy a prosthetic forehead and wear it over my real head. And quote the ones that are exceptionally dumb ones.

I don't know what kind of fucked up translation you have, but she's about as endearing as a white guy with a hood on your lawn. Did you just lift this stuff from a FAQ? And since when do "optimistic" and "endearing" go hand in hand? I have no friends who are optimists, because they're mind-rendingly annoying. Not as annoying as a mawkish piece of trash like this, but perhaps I digress... While going on about FFVI, Vestalman said,

Let me just say I hate it when ROM translators take too many liberties in their scripts.

Oh yeah, it was the first game to ever cover these subjects! Unlike the previous Final Fantasy games. Remember in FFIV when Yang dies and the party played strip poker and then got drunk? But not anymore. Now they handle death in a MATURE manner. Man, those where the days. And is it just me or are these issues addressed in FF6 like this: Committing suicide from a seaside cliff is impossible because you'll wash ashore. Teenage pregnancy keeps Terra from rejoining your party for a while. Also it's excusable because there's LOVE. Losing loved ones sucks. I needed a game to tell me that. Boy this is so new. Shut your hole, Vestalman.

A perfect example of FFVI being "mature." Hoo boy.

No, there are never any GOOD empires. All the empires in the world are EVIL. And that's why the heros exist. Everything is revolution!</SARCASM>

Plus, it's kind of hard to look interesting when your sidekick is a reject clown who's always spouting crappy one liners.

SPEAKING of which...

Kefka is not one of the most personality-filled villians in RPG history. I just denied it, falsifying your statement, but still, I'll elaborate my point.

If he's not just sitting there cackling about how the world is going to die, he's making horrible one-liners. Oh, look, he said 'son of a submariner'. What a cut-up. That's pretty flat to me. I have yet to see him show any emotion besides "spite." Personality generally suggests a round character, instead of an ugly flat-out nihilist. He doesn't even have any motive for his hatred other than "whoa, he's insane." I suppose that's a perfectly good substitute for personality, huh Vestalman?

By now you're pretty sick of it, but Vestalman just won't give FFVI a break.

FF6's graphics weren't ANYWHERE near the "greatest EVER." I think they're way too dark and too small. You know what graphics I liked? Secret of Mana's. No, seriously. At least you can tell what the fuck is going on there. Also, Seiken Densetsu 3 has great graphics. Also, Tales of Phantasia. Hell, Yoshi's Island has great 2D graphics. And since VI there have been tons of PlayStation games with great 2D graphics. Castlevania? Tales of Destiny? The list continues, but unfortuantely, so does Vestalman.

Mmm, these are positively scrumptious 2d graphics! This is much L33Ter than Castlevania!

Since when do you speak for "many players?" And even then, what differece does it make whether "many players" considering ANYTHING make it a certifiable fact? I know "many players" who consider Castlevania's soundtrack to be their favorite. But does this mean I go around touting it as the "greatest video game soundtrack of all time, d00d!"? No, and I don't go writing shitty "history of caslevania" articles either.

Your entire statement is a rash overgeneralization based on, if anything, a stupid internet poll, which has no basis on anything. Like fact. Again, even in my circle of friends, I don't know a single person who thinks VI has the best score ever. But whatever, at least he finally let FFVI go and got on to FFVII.

First, obviously he's not undead... otherwise Cure spells would hurt him.

And what about Sephiroth? All the chicks I know are attracted to Sephiroth. Every single one. I don't know a single one who finds Vincent attractive. He's a self-absorbed goth - what's to love? But most importantly why the hell are you including this in a HISTORY of Final Fantasy? Sometimes I get the feeling you think you can substitute a handful of cheap and error-filled reviews for something factual and informative.

All you hear about him is him killing people or "You just missed the black-caped man!" Oh, such pathos! I sure as fuck "can't help but feel" compassion toward that! And, he summoned a giant meteor to completely anihilate the planet! How can you feel bad for him?! "We're all gonna die, thanks to Sephiroth. But you know, I really pity him." Notice the trend yet how Vestalman feels the need to tell YOU what YOU feel when you play the game? I don't think he hit the mark once yet. Speaking of missing the mark, the NEXT SENTANCE is:

Much like Sephiroth, I sympathize with Stalin being railed to his inevitable destiny of slaughtering his own people. Join UP!

Last sentance you said he is symphathetic and he's been railed towards his destiny... and now he's pure evil?!

WHAT?!

I am boggled here. I'm seriously beginning to think Vestalman is cutting and pasting other people's reviews here. Or completely talking out his ass. I can't think of any other explination for these two sentances going together. I really wish he was being sarcastic but sadly, it just seems he can't write.

I guess if you count saying "Shit" and "Kya hah hah hah hah" as 'developed' you're right. Hohoho, he said "don't forget the lard!" What a fully developed and round character (no pun intended). Well I suppose he is technically right about this, assuming you're talking about the heroes from Contra, Cave Quest, and Pong.

Here are Bub and Bob, heroes of Bubble Bobble! As you can see, they're slightly more developed than Heidegger. After all, they "make a journey to the cave of monsters!"

It's just CG. The characters still look polygon. Reboot looks better than this, for crissakes. Even when they're not superdeformed they look like plastic action figures. And this wasn't exactly the game that invented implementing CG in a game. My guess is Vestalman couldn't think of any other way to say "FF7 used CG" while sounding informative.