4. WHY IS THIS IN HERE?
Finally, Vestalman has a very obvious habit of talking out of his ass. Espeially when he thinks it makes him sound educated, important, knowledgeable, or otherwise like someone who should write a History of Final Fantasy. Unfortunately, he is none of these things, and he makes it very clear. Here, we expose the dirty underwear and secrets of where Vestalman just went and blathered on about stuff that really shouldn't be in a History of anything. For example in his butchering of FFV:
| "This writer's advice to gamers interested in playing Final Fantasy V: import. Either the original Super Nintendo version or the recent Playstation re-release is still a decent game. Abundant resources on the Internet offer step-by-step walkthroughs and assistance for even the most Japanese illiterate. If you're worried about following the story, don't be; you can even find a complete translation. At this point, unfortunately, a domestic release is incredibly unlikely." |
WHAT YOU SAY, VESTALMAN?!
| Ho ho ho, said, rather sure of yourself, that Final Fantasy Anthologies wasn't going to be translated. And yet it was. And while, admittedly, it may have seemed this way when you wrote this article, there was still a translated SNES ROM. Oops? Can we not publicly support unliscensed games? HOO BOY CALL THE FEDS TO TAKE ME AWAY. Also you aparently didn't even READ the stupid translation, did you?
Also, side note: the ROM translation is better than the PSX one, in my humble opinion. (For example, Exdeath becomes "X-Death". Need I continue?)
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Above: incredibly unlikely.
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| "Final Fantasy VII may well be the first "interactive movie" that's actually enjoyable to play" |
WHAT YOU SAY, VESTALMAN?!
| Final Fantasy VII is not an 'interactive movie'. An 'Interactive Movie' is a shitty game that is all FMV, where you push buttons to make diffrent things happen. Like Myst, but without the puzzles, and movies instead of stills. FFVII unquestionably is a solid turn-based RPG with a few pretty cutscenes in it. Go back to your mom's basement and eat your squid ice cream, Vestalman.
At this point I would like to pause and say that this is one of those horrible errors that makes me think that Vestlaman here not only knows nothing about Final Fantasy but also knows nothing about video games at all. I mean, wasn't he around when "Night Trap" came out? He's older than me, for fuck's sake! What the hell? Oh well, now we go on to see Vestalman go on and on and on about FFVIII even though it wasn't released yet and he's primarily wrong about everything. I fell through time to 3010, fought the evil robot king, and saved the human race again.
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Man, doesn't this feel like an interactive movie yet? Isn't this a whacksplosion of synapses firing? Don't cream yourself at this amazing nonstop visual feast!
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| "Squall's main love interest is believed to be Rinoa Heartily, an empathetic magician" |
WHAT YOU SAY, VESTALMAN?!
MAGICIAN?
Everyone can use magic. And you KNOW everyone can use magic because of the heavily advertised draw system. You find out, MUCH later in the game, that she's a 'sorceress' or some shit, but magician? FEH. Also Squal has no love interests as he's a stupid preening jerk. She's the one being all obsessed over him, yelling "MEANIE" and such. How empathetic.
| "An organic and Gigeresque woman by the name of Idea has recently appeared. She is believed to be a powerful sorceress--and from her appearance, most likely an evil one." |
WHAT YOU SAY, VESTALMAN!?
"Organic"?
"Idea"?
"Gigeresque"?!
I did'nt even know "Gigeresque" was a word. Neither did Meriam-Webster.
Oh, maybe because it isn't.
You're using words that make no sense now.
Are you just trying to impress your readers or actually teach them something?
Like say... about the history of final fantasy?
Also, dosn't organic just mean it's living? What would she be if she wasn't organic? A robot? Goddamn robot sorceresses! Too bad we don't have one of those organic sorceresses around here!
| "Square has announced that Final Fantasy VIII will use the "Junction" system to control and combine spells, weapons, and armor" |
WHAT YOU SAY, VESTALMAN!?
Control spells, yes... but combine spells, weapons, and armor? There's no armor in the game. And you make weapons by finding items and taking them to a remodling shop. It has nothing to do with weapons at all. ARGH!
Also, in his "fact sheet" he says:
"Starfield Ending
Found in: Final Fantasy III-VIII"
No matter what the story's conclusion, a Final Fantasy game traditionally ends with the words "The End" in the center. Often The Prelude will loop its soothing strains until the console is turned off." |
WHAT YOU SAY, VESTALMAN!?
| This ending dosn't appear in 8. It says "The End". Maybe the game wasn't out yet... but if you didn't know, why did you list it this way? What the HELL ARE YOU THINKING?! Just say III-VII.
Now it may be justifiable making these mistakes because the game wasn't released yet. We'll even give him the benefit that he didn't even play the demo. But what makes him think that he can make such declaritive statements about the game - that he's never played and only heard a few reports about? Talking about a game that HASN'T EVEN BEEN RELEASED, in a HISTORY? Do you know what "history" means? I'll give you a hint, it doesn't include the future.
So, a word to those who wish to write anything declarative in the future: stick to generalized, confirmed facts, so you don't end up looking like this.
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I have nothing to put here, so instead I will fill this space with Robert Kahn and Vinton Cerf (respectively), who are credited as the founders of the Internet! Let's give it up for them, even if they're old and wear suits now.
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