| Well, it was but days after we had finally posted the Vestalman thing when we got a lot of feedback on the message board. But before we go into explaining some things, let's set up the backstory a bit. This might clear some inconsistancies on our part, or maybe it'll make you flamingly homoerotic. We skipped the testing phase entirely, so you never know.
First, let me re-establish why we did this. We're kinda sick of everyone always kissing Andrew Vestal's ass, because in reality, all he has ever done of worth was make one mediocre fansite. A fan site. With fan art and wave clips and faqs. Wooo boy! I mean, there have been hundreds of those since then, but since he did it back when 28.8 modems were new, he must be a genius! Guess this means he's a definative master of Final Fantasy! Let's have him write the history of it now!
So yeah, it was and is an atrociously bad article, so Evk wrote a scathing rebuttal/mockery of it which became "What You Say, Vestalman!?" It was good, but not really postable since it was entirely too long and ranty. WrexSoul tried to edit it, but due to many things - like being lazy, being a dumbass, and being full of bullshit excuses (like homework and sex with moogles), he kept pushing the project back. Eventually it'd be forgotten, we'd work on other stuff, then work on it again. Obviously, it finally got edited and formatted and posted, but not for months. A clue as to how long it took to make: we announced it in "up and comming" section of last April's newsletter. Add: innocent.
Right, which leads to the first issue: Someone, probably more tactful, pointed out some of the more glaring errors, which he fixed. BOO! BOO! Also, apparently GameSpot begged him to fix it as newer games like FF8 and FF9 came out, so he actually wrote more than "I HEAR THERS THIS MAGIC USAR NAMED IDEA WHO IS ORGANIC!11", hopefully sounding like less of an ass in the process. Since the article on GameSpot has changed, you'll just have to believe us. But forsuthly, all the quotes in the previous article are real quotes Ctrl+C'd and Ctrl+V'd word for word from the actual article Vestalman wrote. We can't make that shit up.
At any rate, on the Salamando's Stove message board, it was pointed out by ZedPower:
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I may be talking out of my ass here (not as much as everyone's
best friend The Vestalman, or course), but wasn't there actually
an Enkidu somewhere in FFV? I faintly remember a birdman thing
healing Gilgamesh during a certain ship battle, and it was
called Enkidu. I think. Ahem. It was hardly a endless source of
hilarious antics, however. Enkidu was more a case of "i have my
Genji stuff now can't this battle end oh crap that bird thing
comes and heals the bastard dammit". Only with more expletives.
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Oh, yeah... Yes, we remember it now- In ONE of the FIVE fights with Gilgamesh, there was an Enkidu. He was hardly a bumbling sidekick, and they certainly were anything but amusing me the one time they came stumbling on the scene. Still clearly Vestalman talking out his ass.
About the cryptic "Geigeresque" thing, as posted by Grash:
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And [Geiger] did the design for the Alien-shit in "Alien" (What a
increadible name for a movie, I could have come up with that...)
(No Aliens was done with out his imput... Hence Creepy and
Phallic becomes "Kick Ass" or "Game over Man!"
Why is this important to anything, I have no clue.
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Indeed. So not only are we supposed to know who the ART DIRECTOR for Alien (not Aliens, as was pointed out to us) is, but somehow this compares to Edea? I don't see her with black tendrils draped across her, "organic" slime oozing over her disgustingly and hideously grotesque body... But then again, I don't have as much imagination as Vestalman. W00, cows. Uh, imagine something witty here.
And finally, just to complete the classic literary device of three segments, here's some random post by Austen about how long the page was.
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Actually, it was only five sections long, each of which was longer
than a page. According to my beta version, which is only text
(though the images accompanied the article nicely), it's 15 pages
long, with only some overflow from page 14 on page 15. This only
applies, of course, in a 10 Point Courier font. The only joke that
was removed was the opener which was as follows.
WHAT YOU SAY, VESTALMAN?!
~~~~~TILDES, ASTERISKS, AND YOU **********
More appropriate for a text file than HTML, methinks.
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Little did Austen notice, but we actually even included that joke on the very first page. Well there you have it, a special behind-the-scenes director's cut. Now it's time to have Evk throw in witty jokes so you will stop advancing toward me with torches and archers.
Also, I think we're going to post a bar job to ram a bokken up Vestalman's ass. 4 days, 3 nights. Starting at 3000 gil.
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Since I don't have anything relevant or amusing to post regarding this addendum, I'm going to use the regular tactics of distracting you with random amusing pictures we ripped unforgivingly off of other websites. Yes, we're bad people. Go cry us a river, you horrible voice actor, you. Oooh! Burn!
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Isn't this great? Yeah... it's from a crazy Japanese site. This site's seriously like... all crazy and Japanese! Whoa shit! It's also amusingly violent and dark humored. Take, for example, Hamu.
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For those of you who aren't fluent in Japanese, I'll be pretentious and condescending and lord my miniscule knowledge of the language over you. HA HA! His suicide note reads "I'm delicious!" If that's not fucked up, then... well... it is so shut your boontib hole, you.
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Look, this is WrexSoul's rendition of Evk. He has all the required components: thick eyebrows, eastern-European nose, glasses, baseball hat, and an expression that looks like someone just notified him that they masturbate in clown piss. Great! Thanks, guys!
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THIS GUY CRACK ME UP NUTS!
I EAT A CANDY
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Written by Evk and WrexSoul a bit and was posted on 2-10-01.