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We called the front seat. And to prevent confusing the muck-grovelling masses like yourself from being overly confused by our obviously professional legal jargin, the section will be broken up into fairly understandable sections so that even the scum of the earth dregged up from some festering cesspool in backwater Arkansas can understand perfectly. Well, mabye I kid.

1. Our Page = Fan Page

You guessed what this means, but I'll tell you anyway. Because Mikage the Miracle Girl told me to. We refer to games and all that shit all the time in our articles. Hell, that's the point. But we don't know anything about the guys who made them. We're not associated with any of those companies or anything. There is no conspiracy going on here, and we really are just two dorks who want to humor people with our masterful wit. Oh yeah, those images of the stove and Salamando were taken from the game Secret of Mana without permission. However, like I said above, this page is a fan page, so it's all good.

2. This Shit = Our Shit

Everything here is trademarked, copyrighted, etc to us, Evk and WrexSoul or whoever wrote whatever article, 1999-2000 or whatever year this is. If you take anything without asking we'll get our killer robots and lawyer robots and they'll beat and sue you until you beg for mercy but since we're mean bastards we'll make you sing the Sailor Moon theme song HAHAHAHAH. So don't rip us off, or we'll have to make the maid beat you up. Ow.

3. Our Comics = Not Real

I don't feel like typing the whole spiel out, so what you can do is open up a Dark Horse graphic novel, turn to the first couple of pages, and read the disclaimer about how it's all made up. And if something does happen to resemble someone who exists in real life, then it's a joke (because we can satire all we want) or it's a coincidence. So blow us.

4. This Site != Warez

We don't give 1337 W4R3Z D00D. Our downloads are as far as we can tell either public domain or not copyrighted in the US. Or it's our stuff we made, in which case we own the copyright, so you can suck it, fatty! Whoa, no need to get violent! Why not put down the gun and come take a break with us in Ryoga's van. It's on me.

5. Not for Consuption by Minors

This site isn't intended for anyone under 13 years of age. We really don't give a shit either way, but we have very bad potty-mouthes, and you may be offended. To get the newsletter, though, you need to be 18 or older, because we sometimes have shown boobies. We're not going to be running background checks or anything, but if you lie then be smart enough to use a different email address than the one your parents use. Geez, what would they think we were if they read some of our crazy shit? We voluntarily rate ourselves "PG 81" because it reflects what we believe some Really Stupid Rating Bureau would give us. And I'm sure you care.

So there you have it. We're not liable for you going here. Browse at your own risk. And stay the fuck away from Hobo Chocobo when he's drunk. He's a mean drunk and you don't want to piss him off.

If we even so far as catch you using "Salamando" and "Stove" in the same sentance without giving us praise, adulation, and complimentary dinnermints, so help me, I'll send SadBot after you!... Actually, that probably means you're writing a FAQ on SoM, and SadBot will only amuse you in his howling, abyssal failures. Well, we can't win them all.

Salamando's Stove is all a big ol' 1999-2000 Zach Francks and Nick Hammer.