It's a big day at Salamando's Stove! We've actually gotten through to the people at Working Designs and scored an interview with one of the major players in their Mega-hit game, Lunar: The Silver Star. We've written up a hee-larious lineup of questions that are both probing and interesting and what we bloody well think you screwups out there want to read about!
Hi! We're the summoners. We have to do some stupid interview with some sort of godless cat thing.
We don't really want to, but we were told we wouldn't get any food or drink until we do. They shot Rad the squire as an example of "those who don't comply," and I really don't want to get hit with a blaze gun again.
On top of all this, we have to read some specific list of innane questions Evk gave us, which apparently is to give it more humor value. Or something.
So, let's get this over with. Hi there.
Hi, I'm Nall! And I'm not a freaking cat, so shut up!
Whatever. Question one: What's your favorite food?
Fish! I really like to eat fish! Boy! I love fish...
Okay then, next question. Wha - this is all smudged. What is this? Chocolate? Here, can you read this?
Whaaa.... no. Not at all.
Okay, next question then. What was it like working with Alex and Luna?
Oh! Well, they're nice people. Except every time Alex flubbed a line Luna would slap him. I think she hit him with a frying pan once. And then there's Ramus. He's such a fatass. He's all fat. He's like... fat.
Hey, you shouldn't make fun of someone just because of thier weight.
But he's so fat! I mean, what is he gonna do? Is he gonna be fat at me? Is he gonna have roll after roll of useless disgusting flab at me? Is, is he gonna, uh, have a heart attack at me? Is he gonna eat food at me?
Um. Next question. Do you think that the relationship between Alex and Luna is an example of the classical, shy love that is common among Japanese romance tales, but is a realatively foreign concept for American audiences, and that this caused something to be lost in the translation or was realitively unappreciated or misundestood in the US audience?
Not even a little?
Okay, question five: Do you have any romantic love intrests?
Flam- forget it. Let's just continue. Number six: What is your favorite game developer?
I should say Working Designs, but the sad truth is that it's Takara. They made Miracle Girls!
Uh - I guess. Question seven: How much does being a flying cat pay?
I told you I'm not a cat, or do I have to beat it into you! Anyway, they gave me fish. Yay, fish! I like fish! Fish are fun to eat! Got any fish?
No. But I do have echo grass.
Ahem, next question! Question eight: What's your next project?
Butt Fuck Sluts Go Nuts Volume 21.
What?! Are you kidding?
No. Why would I be? Doesn't it sound exciting?
Uh. Let's just move on. Question nine: Soul Steal.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
Uhhh... Date symphony story?
Your guess is as good as mine. Question ten: Dude, you... what? Dude y zero u at sign captial R 3 at sign L at sign slash backslash slash backslash three capital R?
What? Lemme see that. Dude.... you.... are....
I know! Hyper Roll shoots missles from her heaving bosoms!
Alright then. The next section is marked FUNI QUESTOIN in crayon, so, I guess that's it for the 'serious' questions. Now for some 'fun' questions... oh boy. Let's see. "Do you wear boxers or breifs?" Oh man, that's funny. 'Cause you know, underwear is funny. People, like, wear it under thier clothes. Man! That's such a personal question- I bet you're embarassed! Whooee, underwear! Thank you, Evk! You're a great quesiton writer!
I don't wear underwear. I don't wear anything, moron. But- ah, don't you think it's sexy? I mean, come on baby- I know you want a piece of this.
Oh, do shut up.
Well. I think we'll just move on then. Question twelve: Please Megaman don't!!
That isn't a question.
I can answer it! FISH! Did I mention I like fish?
Yes. What seems like several hundred times. Ahem. Question thirteen: Who is cooler, Martin Van Buren or Supertramp?
Martin Van Buren. Did you ever see that one episode of Seinfeld where there was the Martin Van Buren gang and they like got into the reaperbot and they like hit this guy and he was like I'll take you to hell with me and the other guy was like not likey and the dying guy was like likley and then he blew up? Wait, that was Gundam Wing.
Wha..? Forget it. Question fourteen: Did you put the bop in the bop shoo - no. I refuse to read a question this stupid.
Did you get hit on the head recently? Get it? 'cause that's what you guys said when you were asked that! Get it?
I was serious when I asked if you guys got hit on the head. Get it? You guys said that too!
I can't belive you don't shut up! Stupid cat!
Hey! Don't get surly with me! I'm a dragon, you know!
Well, I don't think - hey! You can't just barge in here!
Wait, he's holding a sign- It says "I'm Alundra! Please don't buy Alunrda 2 because I'm not in it."
Hey! This is MY interview! Beat it, elf!
.... (Uses a Stab Sword of Justice)
No!! How is it that I am so defeated?!
You have been doomed since you lost your ability to make a joke that isn't about fat people or fish.
Well then. I guess that about wraps it up. We're the summoners, signing off.
Oh, shut up, you damned mute!
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Written by Evk and posted on 06-29-00.
This article is ©2000 Nick Hammer.